Chair vs Couch

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"Chair vs Couch"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 621
Original Upload date February 21, 2012
Running time 0:03:53
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by mmasonghistudios
Great People
Guests: Chyna Pate
DPC audiences in Cleveland and Vestal
Featured Clones

unnamed clones (offscreen)

Episode chronology
← Previous
"Board Leader"
Next →
"Celebrity Thinking Day"



[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. You know, there's this stereotype that entertainers and public figures are egotistical, but you don't have to worry about that here at Wheezy Studios. I realize there are a lot more important things going on in the Craig. The world. Sorry, I'm gonna do that again. [Something offscreen captures his attention.] Oh look! [Pans camera to his monitor, where he sees himself. He stares at monitor, enthralled.] Look, it's me! Hi. Hi there. [Waves at himself. Blows kisses and catches them, laughing. Points at himself in the monitor.] You. What was I doing?
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So today in the news, [shows headline] Consumer Reports magazine announced its support Tuesday for so-called vehicle-to-vehicle technology.
Ooh, hehe. A little car on car action. Heh. External combustion. Hehe. Practicing combustiality. Heh. Spark me with a different plug.
Oh. [highlights part of the article] It turns out it's just that they'll communicate with each other.
Oh, so it's all about the dirty talk then. I'm not interested.
[reads from article] Each vehicle broadcasts its own speed and direction, making it easier to avoid potential collisions.
Oh, so it's about safety. Yeah yeah. Right right right. That's a good thing. In fact, I've been trying to get my home furnishings to talk to each other for years. [Rolls chair backwards/singing rug] I just can't get it to work. Observe.
[Couch:] Get out of my face, chair! I said I never wanna talk to you.
[Chair:] Ohhh. Mister Wide and Mighty. New couch. Pffft. I'm newer than you.
[Couch:] Nothing will ever be newer than me.
[Chair:] Look at you. You can't even recline.
[Couch:] I don't need to be raised and lowered. Rolling around. I'm sturdy, loyal, stalwart.
[Chair:] Those are big words. Must have got a thesaurus from bookshelf.
[Bookshelf:] Guys, can we set aside our differences? Worry about 'em another day. You know, put 'em on the shelf.
[Blender:] I'm confident we can combine our ideals and work this out.
[Chair:] You would say that, blender.
[Television:] I think Dr. Phil would help. Tune it at 4. Check your local listings.
[Chair:] I get my help from the internet.
[Fridge:] Oh, that's cold, man. And I know cold.
[Freezer, which has a woman's voice:] No, I know cold!
[Fridge:] Shut up, freezer.
[Craig:] Alright, enough!
[Rug:] Guys, um, I'm starting to cramp. Could you...
[Craig:] Oh, oh sorry, rug.
[Rug:] Could you maybe...
[Craig:] Sorry. [Rolls chair off rug]
[Rug:] Ow. Ouch. Ouch.
[Craig sits back down/singing rug]
So beardlovers, for the rest of today's video I have something awesome planned for you but I need to set up the camera... [Sound of dominoes being knocked over.] Oh crap! I knocked over the dominoes! Oh, there they go. Setting off the mousetrap attached to the rope, [sounds accompany Craig's description of what's happening offscreen, just behind camera] which is throwing the ball-bearing into the gong. [Gong sound] Wakes up the lion. [Lion growls.] The lion starts running on the treadmill, powering the electric car. [Car starts.] Oh, there it goes! Over the ramp, into the whale tank [sound of landing in whale tank], startles the whale [whale sounds], who shoots the clone with his blowhole...
[Clone, offscreen:] Aaaaaaa! What's happening?
[Craig gets up and follows the action in the sky, moving towards the kitchen:] Way up there!
[Clone:] Stupid eagle! [Sound of clone punching eagle, offscreen]
Punches the eagle. Yes! [Eagle squawks. Craig's in kitchen now.] Then the clone falls into the alligator pit.
[Clone:] Oh god, no! [Alligator munches.]
The alligator eats him. Wags his tail. Sets off the pulley, which carries the TV playing the first 10 minutes of Up [we hear the music], which makes the other clone cry. [We can hear a sobbing clone in kitchen.] He flails his arms, throws the mug! [Craig catches the mug] Oh, and then he runs. Jumps into the alligator pit. [Clone yells as he falls.] Knocks over the other set of dominoes. [Alligator munches. Sound of dominoes knocked over.] They come around. Unhook the rope. And... [We can see the coffee pot tip forward and pour coffee into Craig's mug.] ahhhh. [Craig sips as he's walking back towards camera.] Mmm. I love it when the coffee's done.
Probably should have set those dominoes a little bit further away from the chair. Thankfully I set up another track over here 'cause... [Sound of dominoes being knocked over.] Oh no! I set it off!
[Wheezy Waiter outro]
[Winker lip-syncing to Craig's voice:] I did this talking low and slow. And then I sped it up in the editing process. [Winks (ding)]
So beardlovers, some things you should probably know about. I was in a SciShow episode, Hank Green's science thing. It's awesome. Click here to watch it. [points to clickable annotation]
Also, Jake, the creator of Platoon of Power Squadron, the web series I'm in, is up for Best Director in a contest. Click here to learn how to vote. [points to clickable annotation] You don't have to sign up for anything.
Also, my band is playing Playlist Live, and I'm also speaking at it. It's a convention that happens March 23rd through the 25th in Orlando, Florida. If you go get a ticket and put in the code Wheezy, you get five dollars off. Link in the doobly-doo.
If you show up, you will have fun! Like these people did when they came to see Driftless Pony Club in Cleveland. [Shot of Cleveland audience cheering and waving.]
And these people did when they came to see Driftless Pony Club in Vestal, New York. [Shot of Vestal audience cheering and waving.]
Don't you wanna have fun?
And that's about it for now. I have a lot of stuff to clean up 'cause... [The lion growls.] How did the lion get out of its cage? [Slowly backs his chair away/singing rug. The lion growls. Craig stops.] Do lions respond to movement like T-rex? [Backs the chair up a little more/singing rug. The lion growls. Craig gets up and runs away.]

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, headlines, new couch, whale tank, clone, eagle, alligator pit, "I love it when the coffee's done!", wink, collab video, Platoon of Power Squadron, Driftless Pony Club (DPC), doobly-doo

External links

Chair vs Couch on YouTube
Craig on SciShow: Wheezy Waiter on Movie Science, Mutant Flu Facts, and 2 Sounds You've Never Heard!
How to vote for Jake: PoPS update 102-Directing Competition