From Wheezy Wiki
|Original Upload date||February 12, 2009|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||Craig's dad|
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Craig is sitting facing the camera with a long beard superimposed over his chin]
Good morning beardlovers. My beard growth has made significant strides in one day. It looks like the methods I learned in the hills of Malaysia from Raaa-bertson are paying off. I accidentally made it turn gold though. This is real gold. But with the economy the way it is, it wouldn't be right to have a golden beard. I'm gonna shave it off.
[Wheezy now without superimposed beard]
Well, just shaved it off. I'm gonna Rumpelstiltskin it later into a golden jewelry set. I guess I'm just gonna have to win this beard growing contest with Toddly00 the old-fashioned way.
[leans into camera to show his beard] What do you think?
Not only did Todd have his mom say that I was gonna lose, he had his dad say that I'm gonna lose. Well...
[holding phone up to mic]
[Craig's dad:] Todd, you're gonna lose.
That was my dad and he's one of the foremost critics in Beardy Magazine. He just transferred from Beard Times. They offered him more money. He graduated from Beardsford College with a major in beardtography, with a French minor. So I guess he's kinda the authority.
So remember that poll on wheezywaiter dot com where I asked what's keeping you from doing your pet projects? Well, number one was you didn't have a project. I kickstarted that by having you do haikus. Well, number two was you didn't have enough time. I saved you plenty of time by having you leave one-word comments. Well now number three is you don't have enough money. I just double-checked and it's actually number four. I'm gonna do number four because that was what I planned to do.
Now I don't know your situations so this isn't going to apply to everybody. You might be, uh, one of 14 conjoined siblings.
[Four conjoined clones sit facing the camera. They appear to be conjoined at the shoulders]
[Clone on the left:] Hello. We're here to apply for a job.
[Clone #2:] Hi there.
[Clone #3:] Why are we here?
[Clone #4:] Yeah, I thought we were going to a movie.
[Clone #3:] I want to go to a movie.
You can't really save money easily that way. But one way I save money is when I get home from work, I leave everything off. [Wheezy sits with the lights off.] And then I sit here and think. For hours. Until it gets too dark to see, and then I go to bed.
Another good way to save money is if you're really strong like me, you throw it up in the air [throws money up in the air] and it doesn't come back down for days.
Yet another way is to get into the financial mindset by saying "Cha-ching" a lot. Cha-ching! Are you gonna eat the rest of that danish? Cha-ching! Hey, nice shirt. Cha-ching! My dog just died. Cha-ching!
Hey Dad, what do you do to save money.
[Craig's dad, on phone:] I invest in a high-yield savings account, index funds, and a Roth IRA. Cha-ching!
Thank you Dad.
Commenters, how are you going to save money so you can do your projects?
Another way I save money is by having loved ones in videos when it's their birthday insted of giving them presents. It's my dad's birthday today. Happy birthday Dad. Are you ready to wink?
[Craig's dad, on phone:] Yes I am.
[Picture of Craig's dad (ding)]
[Craig's dad, on phone:] Happy birthday to me.
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
[outtake: Money falls behind Wheezy. He turns. He throws money in the air again. He smiles.]
Craig talking about throwing money up into the air and it staying there for days is his first reference (of many) to what he would come to call Sky Bank.
Cha-Ching on YouTube