Canada Strikes Back
|"Canada Strikes Back"|
|Original Upload date||August 24, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||MattG124|
|Camera work by||Ethan Wane|
[slides in/singing rug] [Sad face/sad music] [Slowly turns frown into a banjo face] [Then he explodes] [Craig walks out of the bathroom and towards camera.] Huh. What happened to my exploding chair?
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hey beardlovers. So I'm thinking about having this theme every Wednesday. We'll call it EXPLOSION Wednesday. I'll test it out for a few weeks. We'll see if it should be a thing or not.
It'll involve talking about EXPLOSION news.
[shows article] Pixar announced two new films. One of them involves a world in which dinosaurs never went extinct.
That's totally awesome! But that also means that the asteroid never exploded on Earth. I'm sure that was a colossal explosion that they're taking away. Now instead of hearing THIS, we'll hear this. [Makes dinosaur noises. And dinosaur claws.] That's supposed to be a pterodactyl.
[shows comment by MusicalMiracle:] Wheezy, do you read the comments? If so, make the best dinosaur noise you can in your next video, and then I will love you forever.
Oh! I guess I'm forever loved.
Wait a second, you better figure out a way to live forever, 'cause you can't love when you're dead.
Dead people are so cold. It's like their heart isn't in it. [The words appear beside Craig as he says this: Dead people are so cold. It's like their heart isn't in it. -Craig Benzine]
I picked a good day to try out Explosion Wednesday. There's a lot going on.
[shows article] Strong EARTHQUAKE rocks East Coast USA, Virginia.
[shows article] Rare strong EARTHQUAKE hits Colorado.
[shows article] Hurricane Irene BATTERS the Bahamas.
[A clone leans into frame, stirring something:] Batters? [It's probably Misunderstanding overly helpful clone, given his confusion.]
[Craig:] No! Batters! [punches the clone]
[Clone recoils, crying out in pain, spilling the batter.]
[Clone:] You splattered my batter.
[Craig:] I don't care.
[shows article] Russia: Cargo ROCKET crashes in Siberia.
[shows article] Pelham FIRE Station number 3 going to the ... mice?
[reads from article] Pelham Fire Station number 3 has mice running around in it. [looks at camera and then continues reading] It also needs doors replaced, a paint job, a safety railing in its storage area and a fenced-in compound for its to secure its all terrain vehicle.
Canada, you're very nice, but why are you so cold and boring?
[In the sky above Craig's apartment, Corey Vidal is visible holding an umbrella. The eagle flies near him and squawks.]
[Corey turns to the eagle:] Oh hello, old friend. [Corey lands in Craig's apartment.] Bonjour, Wheezy, Bad-mouthing my country again, I see. Or I hear. [closes umbrella] Sorry.
[Craig gets up and shouts:] Yeah, I've been talking smack!
[Corey:] Very sorry to hear that, Wheezy. Does this mean we need to fight again?
[Craig:] Fightin'! Yeah!
[Corey:] Do you need time to grab your frying pan?
[Craig:] Nope! [Wields the flying pan. Goes and smacks Corey with it. Corey falls onto the couch.] Pretty good new couch, eh?
[Corey:] I've seen newer. [Gets up and lunges at Craig]
[Craig:] Zoinks! [They both fall out of the window, yelling as they fall. They land on sidewalk, Corey with his umbrella on top of Craig with his frying pan. They roll, fighting and grunting, down the sidewalk. Closeups of them being hit with the umbrella and frying pan.]
[As they roll, Corey says:] Sorry. Sorry. [A jogger runs by.]
[Still fighting but getting upright now, Craig puts his hand on Corey's face and pushes him. Corey licks his lips.]
[Corey:] You taste like American hot dogs.
[Craig smells his hand.] Smells like maple syrup. And health care.
[They battle using the umbrella and frying pan. They kick each other and Craig jumps to avoid the umbrella, hitting Corey with the frying pan. Corey falls to the ground. Craig stands over him, frying pan raised. Corey throws the umbrella at him. It hits him and falls to the ground.]
[Craig, who hasn't budged:] Ow! [Craig takes off running.]
[Corey calls after him:] Sorry! [Gets up and runs after Craig with his umbrella. Craig runs down an alley and dives into a building. Corey is hot on his tail. Craig runs into a basement area, breathing heavily.]
[Craig:] I finally lost him. [looks around] Oh no, there he is. [Camera reveals Corey right beside him.]
[Corey:] Hey! [Corey hits Craig in the stomach with his umbrella. Craig doubles over.]
[Corey:] You Americans are so out of shape.
[Craig:] You Canadians are something something... I don't care! [hits Corey with the frying pan. They battle some more with the umbrella and frying pan. Craig falls and hits a pipe with his frying pan. A loud hissing noise can be heard. Corey stares. Craig looks at the pipe and then at Corey.]
[They both look at the camera. EXPLOSION. Craig is propelled into the sky where he punches the eagle. Lands back in his apartment.]
Finally. It's over. Oh, no, there he is. [Camera reveals Corey getting up off floor.]
[Corey:] Au revoir, Wheezy. [He opens the umbrella, crouches, and flies out the window.]
How does he do that?
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[MattG124 winks (ding)]
Just have to let you know I'm giving away a pair of tickets to Free Fest. Free Fest is a big festival put on in Columbia, Maryland on September 10th. The Black Keys'll be there. TV on the Radio. Cee Lo Green. James Murphy. And others. Instructions on how to enter are in the doobly-doo. Enter now. You have 24 hours. See? Us Americans can be nice. [takes sip from his Tim Hortons mug. Looks down.] Ooh! Batter. [Bends down, sits back up licking his finger] Mmm. [Then smacks his tongue and makes a face like it's not so tasty after all.]
This video is a sequel to Craig vs Canada.
Canada Strikes Back on YouTube