From Wheezy Wiki
|Original Upload date||January 21, 2010|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||thepappytube|
Hi I'm Wheezy Waiter. I make a show every weekday in the three hours before I have to be at work. It's usually stupid nonsense and inside jokes like this one.
[extreme closeup of Craig's mouth:] There is Eggo waffles.
[Craig eating Eggo waffles.] Mmm. Delicious.
[extreme closeup of Craig's mouth:] Made of poison.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[slides in/singing rug]
Hi beardlovers. I'm dying of poisoned Eggo waffles. My insides feel like they're being stabbed by OJ. The murderer, not the drink.
That was one of those inside jokes I was talking about. I should try to do more outside jokes.
[Craig, walking on the street oustide, talking into his wireless mic. The camera is shooting him from the window:] Why are OJ Simpson costumes off the market? Because the gloves don't fit. Ha ha ha ha.
[back in the apartment]
Late 90s jokes! [pause] I'm getting old.
Other things about me that are wrong or broken.
[pulls a lamp into frame] This lightbulb went out and I haven't replaced it yet.
[holds up gun] This gun has a broken hammer. It makes armed robbery a lot more difficult these days. Maybe I can use my slingshot. [holds up slingshot, which is broken] Nope. I guess the streets are safer. For now.
I have this tyrannosaurus, which is really cool. [holds up toy dinosaur] But if you push the button on its leg, it's supposed to roar. It doesn't roar anymore. It's trapped in its own mind. [holds dinosaur closer to camera.] Help me.
I also don't call my mom as much as I should. If I called her up right now, I could almost hear what she would say.
[Craig at the window as his hypothetical mother:] Where the *ding* have you been?
Hm, maybe that's not such a bad thing.
My car is making funny noises. [Craig driving, backing up, car is making a weird noise. Driving forward. Car makes funny noise:] You hear that? Hear that squeaking? What the crap is that?
Could you tell me what's wrong with my car in the comments?
Some of you made remixes to my sneeze video.
[Craig pops up from behind the chair in front of tv:] Awesome!
[Craig, glancing back at that chair:] Umm, yeah. Awesome. There's links in the doobly-doo. And there's also another link to original video for you to make your own remix. Just make it a video response to my latest video. [smiles] Ow! Smiling hurts a lot. My insides hurt a lot too. I think I'm about to die.
[extreme closeup of Craig's mouth:] There is no poison.
[Craig sits up, smiling.]
[Winker:] Hi Craig. I've got a wink and a bacon sandwich for you.
[Winker winks (ding) and the bacon sandwich in his hand disappears:] Huh?
[Craig:] Where the *ding* did it go?
[Winker notices sandwich in his other hand:] Ahh.
[Craig:] Oh phew!
[Winker takes a bite of sandwich.]
[Craig:] I thought it was mine!
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[Shot from window of the street outside. We can hear Craig before we can see him:] And recording. Rehearsing as I leave the apartment. Why did OJ Simpson costumes get recalled? Because the gloves didn't fit. Why do people always return OJ Simpson costumes? Because the gloves don't fit. Why don't department stores sell OJ Simpson costumes? Because the gloves don't fit. [Now we see Craig walking into the street. He turns around.] Why are OJ Simpson costumes off the market? Because the gloves don't fit. Ha ha ha ha. [Craig walks out of the street.] I think that went well.
The inside jokes Craig refers to at the beginning of the video both appear in There is no Hat.
Broken Bad on YouTube