Bringing Internet Back

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"Bringing Internet Back"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 505
Original Upload date May 12, 2011
Running time 0:03:15
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by daylightisabadthing
Episode chronology
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"The Most Limitless Video on Youtube"



[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[slides in/singing rug]
Oh hey beardlovers. So recently I lost something very important to me. The internet. But I didn't make a very big deal out of it or anything. It wasn't, like... I... I barely even mentioned it. Cue footage of thing that proves exactly the opposite.
[footage of Craig singing from another video:] If I'd have to bet what's worse than death, no internet. It's no internet. [cuts back to new video]
That proved the exact opposite. Now I'm embarrassed. [Craig's face turns red. Very red.]
Going without the internet was a long and arduous journey. I learned a lot about myself. Mostly stuff I didn't want to know. Freaky stuff. Stuff involving [a black box appears over Craig's mouth and whatever he says is bleeped out] and [a black box appears over Craig's mouth and whatever he says is bleeped out] and Chipotle stuffed olives. Allow me to regale this adventure of woe and pain. Arduousness. I wanted to use that word again. Through song!
Oh scoff! The internet's off.
Now I gotta go to a coffee shop
To upload my video
For you.
It's kind of a thing I do.
Not that there's anything wrong with coffee [sips coffee]
In fact I love it when it's done
But they don't allow me to drink it the way that I prefer to.
[Camera pulls out so we see Craig drinking coffee with no pants on. Text on screen next to an arrow pointing to him: no pants]
Slap head
Bin Laden is dead
Let's go to where I have my news fed [Craig runs to his computer]
And read all about how they killed that jerk. [On his monitor there's a page about the webpage not being available]
Oh double crap, I don't have the internet. [Grabs paper and starts drawing]
I guess I have to draw pictures instead [Tapes a picture he drew to his monitor]
Sit back, eat ice cream, and admire my work. [Closeup of his drawing of a dead Obama with words above Obama "Super Dead!" and below him "From Rocket explosions! Or guns or something!"]
Where the crap is my internet?
[Two Craigs sing together:] Where the crap is my internet?
[Now three:] Where the crap is my internet?
{Now four:] Where in the crap is my internet?
[While the four Craigs provide a "Where is my internet?" chorus as a background, the song continues.] Maybe it's under my chair? [looks under his chair]
Maybe it's nestled in my hair? [checks his hair]
Maybe it's on the street? [shot of street]
Maybe it's actually in the street? [Craig attempts to shovel the pavement]
Maybe it fell into a chasm
In the case for Curb Your Enthusiasm? [looks inside the DVD case]
Maybe it was stolen by ye? [title on screen: ye = you] [points to camera]
Maybe it's owned by a company?
Oh that's right. It is.
I'm such a stupid pile of shizz.
There's lots of companies that provide internet service.
[staring at himself in the bathroom mirror:] Man, I'm so dumb all the time,
I question my worthiness to be online.
[Craig's reflection tells him:] Craig, you're a pretty pretty princess. And you deserve this.
Holy crap, my internet's back. [points to his monitor where he's on Google]
Now I can check out my stats. [goes to YouTube]
Number of likes and number of views.
Let's also see what's in the news. [picture of Scarlett Johansson on his monitor]
Look at my friends' status updates, [another picture of Scarlett]
Now check the latest interest rates, [another picture of Scarlett]
Now we'll see important stuff, [another picture of Scarlett]
And even more important stuff, [yet another picture of Scarlett]
And here's a thing that I should see, [another picture of her]
And there's also this thing that I should see, [another picture of her]
And then another thing, [another picture of Scarlett]
And there's a thing, [another picture of her]
And there's a thing, [another picture of her]
And there's a thing, [another picture of her]
Doing important work on the internet, [another picture of Scarlett]
Right now.
[Fades out/song over]
[Viewer-submitted outro theme and wink]
So now that I finally have the internet again, I can get back to doing what I love most. Watching myself on YouTube. Particularly my interview for the Partners Project. [points to a clickable annotation] I was interviewed by Shira Lazar. Not laser. Unfortunately. It's always no good when not lasers are involved. [Text appears on screen beside him as he says this: It's always no good when not laser's are involved. - Craig Benzine] I still like the interview, though. You can check it out. Click here.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, turning red from embarrassment, song, "I love it when the coffee's done!", Scarlett Johansson, wink, Craig quotes

Related videos

The "no internet" song which Craig shows a clip of in this video appeared in Craig's video No Internet Song.
Craig's interview for the Partners Project is here:

External links

Bringing Internet Back on YouTube