Brian Pretzel Orchestra

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"Brian Pretzel Orchestra"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 179
Original Upload date July 23, 2009
Running time 0:02:17
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro website/youtube outro
Wink submitted by vlogtag
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Pita Gabriel"
Next →
"Classy 101"



[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Good morning. It's breakfast time again. How about some Brian Pretzel Orchestra? [holds up a bag of pretzels]
[Craig and a clone sit side by side. The clone is wearing a blonde wig.]
[They sing:]
Jump, jive, an'
Then you wail
You gotta
Jump, jive an' [Craig eats a pretzel]
Then you wail
You gotta
Jump, jive an' [Craig dances]
Then you wail
You gotta
Jump, jive an'
Then you wail
You gotta
Jump, jive an' [Craig dances, spins]
Then you wail awaaaaaay.
[song over]
Okay, I really need to go to the grocery store.
Let's see what's in the news.
Apparently Arnold Schwarzenegger wielded a knife when talking about budget cuts saying that he has kept his sense of humor.
[speaking in an Arnold accent:] Oh Ahnuld, you so funny.
Hehehe. He's got a good sense of humor. Sometimes I like to hold up a model of a Nascar when I'm talking about race. Or some really nasty porn when I'm talking about the stimulus package. Or, hehehe, this one's good. Sometimes I'll pitch a tent and give myself a noogie when I talk about camp-pain finance reform. Guess you had to be there.
[turns as a loud truck passes by outside] Apparently there's a tractor pull going on outside my apartment.
In other news, [speaks in a funny voice] the Archbishops of Canterbury and York ... sorry about that ... are recommending that churches stop using the chalice during Communion for fear of spreading the swine flu. Church wine swine time! I just brought up that entire story so I could say "church wine swine time." What's the matter with me?
So apparently Boston researchers have figured out a way to take in high doses of antibiotics through contact lenses. They describe it as a pita pocket [holds up two pitas to his eyes] with a big wad of drug [takes out a bottle of acetaminophen from inside the pita] in the middle of a hydrogel exterior. Mmm. Acetaminophen.
Researcher Daniel Kohane said, [puts on glasses and talks in a funny voice] It's not clear why no one did this before. It was very much like we invented the sandwich.
Yeah, it seems unlikely that no one previously invented a way to ingest high doses of drugs for 30 days at a constant rate through the eyes. Nature's plan.
Now if you can figure out a way to ingest high doses of ham sandwich through the eyes for 30 days, you may have a pretty successful patent on your hands.
Tomato, lettuce, honey mustard, hold the mayo, on sourdough. [squints eyes] Mmm. [squints eyes a few more times] My eyes are watering just thinking about it.
These winks are from another gathering out in Portland.
[A group of 10 people lying in circle on ground.] 1... 2... 3... [wink (ding). They sing the wheezywaiter outro song as outro graphic appears:] Wheezy Waiter.
Also my band's new EP, which is releasing August 15th, is available for pre-order. Link in the doobly-doo. Waa!

Recurring elements

breakfast puns, clone, song, headlines, wink, Driftless Pony Club (DPC), doobly-doo


All the winkers appear on the channels listed above in the info-box. A few of the winkers appear at other times in Craig's videos, including Bobby (themefund) and Molly Lewis.

External links

Brian Pretzel Orchestra on YouTube