Breakfast 10: Granola Tengo

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"Breakfast 10: Granola Tengo"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 99
2009
Original Upload date January 19, 2009
Running time 0:02:00
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro wheezywaiter.com outro
Wink submitted by lovekimbra
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Winks, Lies, and Videotape"
Next →
"Barack Obomelette"

Video

Transcript

[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[slides into frame with plastic bags hanging under his eyes]
Hey guys. It's early Monday morning. I'm really tired. Can you tell? [Pictures of Chris Robinson from the Black Crowes hang under his eyes] Think I have really bad crows feet. [Now pictures of Puff Daddy are hanging there.] Or maybe my eyes are just puffy.
You know how some nights you get really falling down puking drunk?
[Craig, sitting in a different place, stares at the camera]
Like the kind of drunk where you wake up feeling so guilty that you have to call your mom?
[Craig, in the other place, stares at the camera]
Well, I did that this weekend. And when I called my mom, she said...
[Craig at window as his hypothetical mother:] Oh quit crying, you *ding*ing baby.
She always knows the right things to say.
I just made up that entire story. Why did I do that? I'm not even tired.
On YouTube, you'll notice that it says this is my 100th video. That includes one video response that I did and I don't count it. That means tomorrow is my 100th video. Now that's something to celebrate tomorrow. Is there anything else to celebrate tomorrow? Can't imagine anything being more important.
Yeah, that's right. I've done 99 videos. And look what I have to show for it. [spins around once with his arms outstretched before looking down and sighing slowly] I'm about as popular as the band Yo La Tengo.
[picture of a segway] Segue!!
Yo La Tengo is an American indie rock band from Hoboken New Jersey. They've released more than 15 albums since 1984. Though they have had limited mainstream success, they remain a critical favorite among their devoted fanbase.
Granola and yogurt was invented right after the Great Flood when Noah exited the ark and tripped. His mouth landed directly on some organic rolled oats, tapioca syrup, evaporated cane juice, natural raspberry flavor, unsweetened [camera cuts from photos back to Craig who is reading the ingredients off the granola container] apple sauce, uhhh, and things. He quickly asked the nearby cow to whip up some pasteurized grade A fat-free milk, modified tapioca [cut from photos to Craig reading from the yogurt container] ... yogurt.
So now that I'm thoroughly running out of time and have to go to work, let's have some Granola Tengo. [The song "Tom Courtenay" by Yo La Tengo plays over Craig pouring yogurt and granola into a bowl and eating it.]
What else do you expect me to do? There's nothing funny about Yo La Tengo.
Alright, lovekimbra, wink us out.
[wink (ding)]
[wheezywaiter dot com outro]

Recurring elements

hypothetical mother, *ding*, segue, breakfast puns, wink

Firsts

This is the first time that the theme segue appears.

Related videos

Yo La Tengo was also referenced in a very early video, I have it.

External links

Breakfast 10: Granola Tengo on YouTube