|Original Upload date||June 8, 2009|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||cirumbia|
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hey beardlovers. [drilling sound from outside] I choreographed a full two-hour dance routine that I was going to record for you but apparently the construction workers outside have decided to reenact the Battle of the Bulge.
[looking out the window] No! The Sixth SS Panzer Army assaulted the Losheim Gap to get to Liege not Saint Vith. *ding*ing idiots!
So here's footage of me washing my Fiesta instead.
[Craig's dad:] We're gonna be washing your car.
[Craig:] Oh yeah?
[Craig's dad:] Yeah, it looks kinda dirty on the front. A lotta bugs.
[Craig:] Yeah. [Shot of Craig looking disgusted.] Ugh. [points camera at the hose] What's this?
[Craig's dad:] Take the water hose...
[Craig:] Is this the hose?
[Craig's dad:] That's the hose.
[Craig:] Okay. And then I point it like this? [Craig points it so the head of the hose faces him.]
[Craig's dad:] No, point it at the car.
[Craig:] Oh! Like this. [points it at the car. sprays water. Banjo music plays over sped-up footage of Craig washing the car.] You know, when I thought of a car wash, I kind of pictured there'd be more girls in bikinis. [More banjo music and car washing. Craig starts wiping the hood with a cloth.]
[Woman's voice:] No. Get it wet.
[Craig:] Oh, get it wet first?
[Craig wrings out a wet cloth.] So this thing called a shammy... you get it wet to dry the car. Have you heard of this? Have you heard of this? [More banjo music and drying of the car] And now I use this thing called a towel to dry it. [Banjo music and drying of the car. Craig throws towel over his shoulder. It lands on the ground. He poses next to the Fiesta. Shot of Fiesta.] Shiny. Now I'm going to vacuum the passenger seat floor. It's probably really dirty cause I have lots of friends. [shot of clean floor] Oh. I guess I don't.
[Craig's dad:] You should wash your wheels.
[Craig:] How would... how do I do that? [to camera, as his dad washes the wheels behind him] How to wash your rims. Step one. Get a dad. Step ... wah... yeah, that's it.
[back in his apartment] Thanks for all the punchlines to the joke "On her wedding day, what did the cow say to the farmer?" The majority of you answered, "I moo," which is a pun off of "I do." And you all seemed to not realize the other people were answering the same thing. Are the commenters experiencing group thought? Let me know in the comments.
[Craig and a clone sit side by side]
[Craig:] I experience group thought.
[Clone:] That's exactly what I was thinking.
[Craig:] I know.
[Clone:] Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
[Craig:] Yeah, but how are we going to fit all of those iguanas in one balloon?
[Clone:] Yeah, I don't know.
[Winker to a woman standing beside him:] Okay, now let's make a wink for wheezywaiter. [says something to her in Italian] Tre duo uno... [wink (ding)]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
[outtakes:] The majority of you answered "I moo," which is a pun off of... [stops because of drilling noise]
[If I'm not mistaken, this is the same winker as in the Breakfast 1: Black Eyed Peanut Butter and Toast video.]
Bikini Carwash on YouTube