[slides in/singing rug]
It's that time of year again for guys all over the country. Last night got on my jersey, got together with the bros, got some brewskies, sat down in front of the TV, watched the Golden Globes. Oh my god, did you see when Meryl Streep won for Best Actress for Musical or Comedy? [fans himself] Whew. I lost it. My heart was literally crying. The guys were like, what's that noise? And I said, it was my heart. It's whimpering. Then my chest got wet. It was actually kinda disturbing. The guys didn't care. They pretty much watch to critique the outfits. So superficial.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Forget the economic crisis. When us dudes watched the Golden Globes, we really jumpstarted the tissue industry. You know what I'm saying? Turn on the waterworks. Up top. [puts his hand up for a high five] Oh yeah, right, that's impossible.
One of my favorite speeches of the night was James Cameron's when Avatar won Best Drama. Because I learned things. For instance, how condescending James Cameron is. He looked around the room and said, 'You know, I just see all these people here, and I realize we have the best job in the world.'
It's as if he was saying, 'I won! I'm the best! Hey, but hey, cheer up, buckaroo, your job is good. You're not as good at it as me cause clearly I'm the best. But it's a good job. Oh wait, oh wait, is that a smile I see forming on your face there, Mister Grumpypants? Oh no, that's more of... that's an angry... angry sneer. Okay. Yeah, I clearly can't help you. Did you say something? I was lost in my thoughts. I wish there was an awards ceremony for thoughts. I'd probably win Best Thought. I'm really good.'
And then people at home are like, 'Wait. That's the best job in the world? Aww *shirt*, why did I go to law school?'
Wait a second. I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done. [slides back in his chair/singing rug. spins in his chair a few times and then runs into the kitchen, almost falling, to get the coffee. Sits in his chair and slides back to camera/singing rug. Smiles. Sips coffee.]
Hey commenters, what's the best job in the world? And I don't want to hear anything about hands or blowing. Ha ha ha. I said it. Now, we all laughed at it. Now get commenting. [sips coffee]
[Mitchell:] You go first.
[Kyle:] I'm going first?
[Kyle:] You sure?
[Kyle winks (ding). Mitchell winks twice (ding) (ding)]
[Kyle:] Did we do it?
[Mitchell:] Uh, I think now we're supposed to go [Mitchell and Kyle sing outro theme as Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro is superimposed over them:] Wheezy Wait....
[Craig, singing:] Waiter
Sorry, the video cut off there at the end, but oh my god, that was YouTube stars Mitchell Davis and Kyle Sibert. Video blogging is the best job in the world. You see what I did there? Bringing it back? That's comedy!!
[outtake: Craig spinning in his chair. Stops and rubs his head:] I'm gettin' really dizzy.