It's been a while since I've done this. Let me see if I remember how.
Greetings wheez.... [bangs forehead on the camera] greetings wheezies.... [falls down] Greetings weasels. Weasels? Good morning wheezies it's August 3rd. Nailed it! Oh wait. [Looks out the window] Agh, it's afternoon. Close enough.
anonymous writes, dear wheezy waiter, i recently strained my groin musicle and I am in horrible pain. I was wondering if you could make me feel better with a video blog.
Well, anonymous, let me help out. Just put your groin muscle up to your computer screen now.
There you go. [tips a jar of salsa towards the camera]
I find that that makes me feel better. And thanks for your obscene suggestion, uncomfortable commentator. [shows the comment with three red Xs through it]
So I got new windows. When you look through new windows, everything you see seems brand new. [Images of a baby, a new car, New Coke, iPhone, new moon] Wow! And fresh. [image of Will Smith as Fresh Prince of Bel Air] Whoa! Hey! Today's movie! [the image of Wheezy falling down plays in the window] Barack Obama? [an article about Barack Obama]
In his speech on Wednesday, Barack Obama said "It's time to turn the page on Washington's conventional wisdom that agreement must be reached before you meet, that talking to other countries is some kind of reward, and that presidents can only meet with people who tell them what they want to hear."
Pssh, I got news for you, Mr. Obama. Meeting people that don't agree with you leads to arguments. And arguments lead to hearing the other person's perspective. And hearing the other person's perspective might lead to understanding and empathizing with them. And empathy could lead to admitting you are wrong. And admitting you are wrong screws with the whole system and just totally stops progress.
Progressive, my ass.
I don't know about you, Mr. Obama, but I would rather progress expediently towards smelly bullshit than slowly and agonizingly work my way towards rosy-smelling people shit. You see what I mean?
Which is why I surround myself with people that agree with me all the time, like this guy.
[Wheezy clone:] Danzig!
And this guy.
[Wheezy clone #2:] Get drunk!
And that guy.
[Wheezy clone #3:] Save the whales!
Okay, not that guy. [Wheezy clone #3 disappears.]
Well that was insightful as hell. I wonder what else my window has to say.
[Images of boobs] Yeah! [Image of a guy with 8 nipples] Whoa! [calendar of August] Hey! August! It's my street month!
[Wheezy dances in the alley, runs down the street]
August is my street month cause it's got the same name as my street. Sort of.
[Wheezy winks and does a thumbs-up at the same time as a movie of Craig playing in his window winks.]
[Outtake of Wheezy in the alley getting ready to dance, sees a guy behind him, walks back towards his camera slowly, glances over his shoulder at the guy, backs up slowly, still watching to see if the guy has left the alley yet. Begins dancing. Dances up to the camera.]
wheezies, comments, chips and salsa, headlines, clone, "danzig!", "get drunk!", song, wink, outtakes
The image of the guy with 8 nipples also appears in the video since you've been trained.
Barack Around the Block on YouTube