Balance

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"Balance"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 102
2009
Original Upload date January 22, 2009
Running time 0:02:00
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro website/youtube outro
Wink submitted by jabberjabber7
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Iggy Pop Tart"
Next →
"Eggs Benatar"

Video

Transcript

[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Good morning beardlovers.
I didn't get much sleep the past few days so I went to bed really early last night. And I woke up more tired. Now that's counterintuitive. You'd think if you got more sleep, you'd be less tired, right?
[picture of an ear with the title 'SIDENOTE' written on it] Side note!
When I'm falling asleep, it's really hard for others to fall asleep around me because of, well, obvious reasons. [eyes slowly close and ding, open again sleepily, close and ding] Anyway, to get back on topic, what was I talking about?
More sleep, more tired.
Oh yeah. Thanks bro. Does everything work the opposite way you want it to like that? Like, if I burn money, will I become more rich? [flicks lighter while holding a dollar] Or if I hit myself, will it feel better?
[Clone punches Craig]
[Craig:] Ahhhhhh, lollipops and rainbows.
[Clone:] Yeah. I do what I can.
Or if I insult myself, does it give me a higher self esteem?
[Clone:] I really hate you. You're ugly. And stupid.
[Craig:] Oh my god! That makes me feel really good!
Or if I untie my shoes, does that decrease the risk of tripping? [Leans down to untie shoes. Gets up from chair. Trips and falls.] That was a statistical outlier!
No, none of these things are true. Like my mom always says...
[Craig at window as his hypothetical mother:] Balance is the key to enlightenment, son. Now shut the *ding* up. I'm watching Maury. Oh, not the father? You gotta be kidding me! He looks just like him.
Ah, my mother. A modern-day Confucius. She's like an R-rated fortune cookie. But she's right. Balance is what's important. You sleep too long, you get tired. You sleep too short, you get tired. But you have a regular schedule, and everything's good.
A lot of you new subscribers have been sending very positive comments. Thank you very much. It makes me feel good. Maybe a little too good. I think we need to balance it out with some hating. Where are all the haters? Come on! Yesterday I smeared pop tart all over my chest. That's ridiculous. I think it's funny to punch myself. What am I, four? Apologies to all the four-year-old subscribers. Come on, let's get some negativity out there. Tomorrow let's see if we can get me to break down and cry like a little girl.
[Craig at window as his hypothetical mother:] That shouldn't be too *ding*ing hard.
Oh, and apologies to all the little girls out there. But let's face it, you do cry a lot.
[Craig looks at his wrist for the time. His cell phone is balanced there.]
Didn't balance my time enough to eat breakfast. I guess we're done.
[Winker 1:] I can probably do that better.
[Winker 2:] Do the lip raise. Do the lip raise. Okay, ready? 1, 2, 3.
[Winker 1 and 2 wink. (ding) (ding)]
[wheezywaiter dot com or youtube dot com slash wheezywaiter outro]

Recurring elements

beardlovers, side note, dinging eyelids, clone, hypothetical mother, *ding*, wink

Firsts

This is the first time that side note is used.

External links

Balance on YouTube