[Wheezy spins in his chair smiling]
It's Bad News Day Wednesday.
[wheezywaiter chips and salsa intro can be seen (but not heard) under the July calendar intro. 'Wheezy Waiter Takes On July... ...5 days a week...' Wheezy sings a song over the intro:] Bad news town, we're going to bad news town, where bad news hangs around, we're going to bad news town, population: bad news.
If you've been paying attention, Wheezy Waiter has been predicting the stock market.
[Craig and a clone sit side by side.]
[Clone:] On Good News Day Tuesday, stocks are always up! [makes a ridiculously happy face]
[Craig:] On Bad News Day Wednesday, stocks are always down. [makes a frowny sad face]
But today on Wednesday, stocks were fantastically up, and oil prices were orgasmically down. This is absolutely devastating news. For me. I thought I could predict the future. I thought maybe I was The Oracle, like in The Matrix. Guess I'm not The Oracle. There's a chance I'm still The One. Like this one time at work, my boss was shooting rubber bands. He's such a kidder. He was shooting rubber bands. And I dodged one, and it was like, I could swear it was like slow motion. [Wheezy reenacts the slow motion dodge]
So yeah. I'm wearing pajama pants. [picture from the reenactment with an arrow pointing to Wheezy's pajama pants]
In the comments, the ever fearless Anonymous writes, how about a video of you being raped by a gopher in a fedora. oh yeah: blah blah blah blah. ps. Toodlemenoodle you fruit!
Oh Anonymous, I can always count on you for vaguely sourced material. I would love to be raped by a gopher in a fedora. But you can't rape the willing. As for toodling your noodle, I do not currently contain any of your noodles on my person. I could, however, utilize my own. [Pulls some dry spaghetti noodles out of a box of spaghetti] Toodle toodle toodle toodle toodle toodle toodle. Is that how one would toodle? I don't...
Well, that's about all I care to say today. Thank you blip dot tv for posting The Trophy Thief in your Hot Episodes. You can watch it below if you're on wheezywaiter dot com.
Take us home, Nick.
[wheezywaiter dot com outro]
[outtakes:] As for toodling your noodle... As for toodling your noodle, I do not currently cont....
Bad News Wednesday, clone, comments, wink, outtakes
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