[Enters frame from right/singing rug. On a skateboard? Talks quickly but keeps moving, quickly leaving the frame.]
Hey beardlovers. Figuring out new ways to enter the frame, and it's becoming increasingly apparent that the skateboard is not the way.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Alright, beardlovers, listen up. Today's gonna be a serious video. I'm serious. Put your serious faces on. [Makes a serious face. Blows a raspberry.] Sorry. Couldn't resist.
So what I wanted to talk to you about today is, well, life. [As a clone emerges from the bathroom and stands in the background in the kitchen, background music plays.] And how it's changed for me over the past five years.
Gosh, it's amazing how time flies. Back then I was but a waiter with a dream. And that dream was to... What is that music? Stop it. [Music stops.] I don't use music.
Anyway, my dream was to be an entertainer. [Music resumes.] And it's been quite a long journey. And I've... Again! Shut up! [Music stops.] I don't use music, okay? I don't want any of this Hollywood fluff.
This is about me and the beardlovers. Music just takes away the reality of it. The honesty. [Looks back towards the clone a few times.] And I don't even know how you're making that music. That's really disturbing, actually.
So. Frustrated with my situation, I decided to just put up a bunch of videos online and see what happened. [Music resumes.] And I want to thank you for joining me and following me along all these years. Without you, I couldn't have... Gah! What is this music?
[Clone:] It's background music.
[Craig:] Background music?
[Clone:] Background music.
[Craig:] Background music? I don't...
[Clone starts singing:] Background music. Background music. Telling your emotions. How you feel. You never wanna be bored by reality. Silence in the background. Fill it with a hot sound. Take it away, Wheezy.
[Craig:] Alright, fine. [to camera] I just want you all to know that I feel very blessed to be doing this for a living. And even if...
[Clone, singing:] Whoaaaaaa. Whoaaaaa-ho-ho-ho.
[Craig, to camera:] Alright. And even if it all comes crashing down someday, I'll always be grateful to know that at least a portion of my life was...
[Clone:] Whoaaaaaaaa-oooooooo. Woo-oo. Woow.
[Craig:] Alright. Stop it. [Music stops] Whoas really aren't background music. And this is way too cheesy anyway. How about something more upbeat? [More upbeat music starts playing.]
So if some day I'm starving in the street, I just want you to know that everything will be fine. Because at least I'll know there was a portion of my life where I was able to...
[Clone, singing:] Fill up the holes in your life. In the background. Don't you ever worry or strife...
[Craig:] I don't think strife is a verb.
[Clone, singing:] ... in the background. Quit strifing up your life. With silence in the background. You will never marry a wife. 'Cause it'll...
[Craig:] Alright. Hold on. Hold on. [Music stops.] First of all, that was way too corporate infomercial. Secondly, who are you and how do you make music happen?
[Clone:] I'm just a clone of you. Ever since you made me I've emitted music that coincides with my emotions. I can't explain it. I'm actually baffled by it. [Music accompanies his baffled expression.]
[Craig:] Come here.
[Clone, suspiciously:] Alright.
[Craig:] Come on. Come here. Come on, don't be afraid.
[Craig:] I'm gonna punch you. [Craig draws his fist back.]
[Clone recoils:] Don't! No! [Suspenseful music plays as he awaits the punch.]
[Craig:] I'm just kidding. [drops his fist]
[Clone:] Oh. Hahahahahahaha. [Banjo music plays as clone laughs.]
[Craig:] Check out this picture of the puppy I bought for you yesterday. [Picture of a puppy]
[Clone:] Awww. It's adorable. Thank you. [Sweet music plays]
[Craig:] But he died.
[Clone:] No! [Sad music plays as the clone starts crying and buries his face in his hands.] Noooo.
[Craig:] I killed him.
[Clone:] What? [Revengey type music starts playing.] You killed it?
[Craig:] Just kidding. I never bought you a puppy.
[Clone:] Oh. Haha. [The clone laughs at first and banjo music plays but then sad music plays over the happy banjo music as his expression changes to a more mixed reaction.]
[Craig:] Check out this picture of Gandhi. [picture of Gandhi]
[Clone:] Inspiring. [Inspirational music plays]
[Craig:] Now check out this picture. [picture of Scarlett Johansson]
[Clone:] Hmm? [Bow chicka wow wow music plays for a few moments. The clone tries looking innocent. Craig looks a little disgusted.]
[Craig:] I'm gonna punch you.
[Clone:] Don't! No! [Suspenseful music plays again as the clone recoils in anticipation of the punch.]
[Craig:] You're fun. [Walks away]
[Wheezy Waiter outro]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
Now wouldn't it be great if there was a YouTube channel that documented independent music and musicians instead of the music that we hear everywhere all the time?
Uh oh. There is. You can click here to go to it. [points to annotation on screen.] It's Pitchfork TV, a YouTube original channel. It's a great place to find music you might not know about unless you were actively looking for it. Music that's in the background. Haha. [Audience laughs.] See what I did? See what I did? Music in the background. Haha.
So click there to go to the channel and subscribe. It's also linked in the doobly-doo.
singing rug, beardlovers, Musical emotive clone, song, Scarlett Johansson, wink, doobly-doo
Background Music on YouTube