[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. [Craig's out of focus.] I'm a little of focus here. [Leans forward and focuses camera] There we EXPLOSION!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
It's Wednesday Wednesday [turns to alternate camera angle] Explosion [back to main camera angle] Wednesday!!
Today in explosions [shows headlines] Ugh, that's a lot of words. Wait a second! [Focuses in on one headline] Elizabeth Edwards BLASTS photos. [shows article] She talked about dirty dirty homewrecker Rielle Hunter, who stole John Edwards from her, on Larry King.
Rielle Hunter didn't steal John Edwards literally on top of Larry King. Elizabeth Edwards talks on Larry King about how Rielle Hunter stole John Edwards from her. She didn't talk while literally sitting on Larry King. She talked while appearing on Larry King's show, although she may have sat on him later. I don't know.
Larry King is Santa Claus.
Rielle Hunter appeared in GQ Magazine with these racy photos [shows a couple of photos of her] of her without pants on! And Elizabeth Edwards is none too happy about it. Apparently she destroys the photos on Larry King. Let's watch.
[Craig watches it on his computer and starts to fall asleep. Leans back in his chair, about to fall asleep.] Uh, apparently "blast" was metaphorical.
In other news, Democrats are none too happy about Republican John Boehner's comments. [shows article] The House minority leader BLASTS the Obama-backed financial reform bill, saying of the measure, "This is killing an ant with a NUCLEAR WEAPON."
Also if you pronounce Boehner the way it was spelled, this headline could take on quite a different meaning. [Shows headline: Dems push hard on Boehner] [Laughs]
[shows another article] Hulu Plus LAUNCHES. Yes! [continues reading] With $10 monthly fee. That sucks! Actually, that's not so bad. For only 10 dollars a month, you can watch every episode ever of the serieses they have on there. That's actually not too bad. It's like a combination of Netflix and Less Netflix.
You don't have to get Hulu Plus. You can still watch regular Hulu. Actually, they should have Hulu Minus, where they pay you to be watched by them. That's actually kinda what we're doing right now. Except you're not paying me. This is bull*shirt"! This is bull*shirt*s! *Shirt*s linked for purchase in the doobly-doo.
[Shows another article] Former F1 engineer unveils city car. [Shows pictures] Waaa! It's a tiny tiny car!
What does this have to do with explosions? It's a car! Car engines have, like, thousands of explosions a minute. Or a second. Or whatever numbers. I live in the city. I'm surrounded by explosions all the time. Check it out.
[Films a car driving by:] Oh my god! Look at all those explosions!
[Another car drives by:] Oh! So many explosions!
[And another car drives by.] Explosions!
Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes the news gets it right. [shows another article] Power line fire in Tulsa. Why is this news? Look at this awesome power line fire! [shows picture] Awesome awesome power line fire! There was a power outage in Tulsa. Due to this AWESOME power line fire!! [shows picture] You're welcome.
Whew, Explosion Wednesday video over. Now I can go do what I always do when I'm done. Come on. Wanna check it out? Let's go. [Gets up. Stops near kitchen door.] Just grab my idea book. [grabs book] [Outside now] I like to find a nice quiet spot here by the tree. [Craig sits against a tree.] Curl up to a good... [opens book. He explodes.]
[slides in/singing rug] Hey guys. Don't worry. That was a clone. I killed him to teach you a lesson. [holds up book] You should never judge a book by its... [Explosion. He explodes.]
[leans into frame] Double lesson!
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding). After the wink, in the guy's eye, we see Craig:] EXPLOSION!
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
There was a pow... There was a power outage... There was a pow.... Powder outage?
singing rug, beardlovers, Explosion Wednesday, alternate camera angle, headlines, *shirt*, merchandise, doobly-doo, clone, wink, outtakes
Awesome Power Line Fire on YouTube