[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Good morning beardlovers.
[A series of shots of Craig making funny noises extremely close to the camera, intercut with him making various faces while sitting in his different positions at his regular distance from the camera.]
That was ... ummm ... I don't know.
I came across this program last night that was about praising rich people for being awesome. These people had something to do with making movies. Movies. Movies. These people had something to do with making movies. Movies. Movies. These people had something to do with making movies. Movies. Movies.
You remember movies, don't you? They're like internet video but shown on a much larger monitor with a much higher production cost. Unless you compare them to Wheezy Waiter, which is about 20 mil an episode. But that's because we cater the production with endangered species. Mmm. Delicious polar bear. Once in a while, chicken's a nice meal but it always tastes a little too plentiful and legal. You know what I mean? Do you know how hard it is to track down an ivory-billed woodpecker? Ah man. But the taste makes it so worth it. Tastes like chicken. Man, I've eaten so many endangered animals, I should get an award. Oh yeah. Awards.
[Holding up a drawing of a house] Bringing it home.
So this awards show I watched last night got me thinking of all the awards that I've won. Here's a few I can think of off the top of my head. I got first place in a math meet in junior high. [slaps slap bracelet onto his wrist] Woooow! I got second place in a paper airplane competition at state science olympiad in junior high. [slaps slap bracelet onto his wrist] Woo! [Craig looks deep in thought] [Still thinking] [Holds a slap bracelet poised above his wrist expectantly] And that's it. [The slap bracelet flops without being slapped.]
What have you won?
Alright, Ben, give us a wink.
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding) wink (ding)]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
[Holding up a drawing of a house] This home only has one window and it's on the second floor. What's that about?
beardlovers, slap bracelet, wink
Awards on YouTube