[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. There's too much violence and not enough education in the media today so let's start with the basics. [sings] A B C D E F G H I J K L M N EXPLOSION!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
It's Wednesday [tosses a pen over his shoulder] Wednesday [tosses another one] Explosion [tosses another one] Wednesday! [looks behind him] Those aren't my exploding pens.
Not that Explosion Wednesday's a thing anyway.
I'm thinking about making it a new thing. What do you think? Should I?
Opens drawer. Shuts drawer. Where are my exploding pens?
This might be something I should worry about. But i"m not gonna concern myself with worrying about it. Nor am I gonna be preoccupied with the concern of the worry about it. Nor is my attention to the preoccupation EXPLOSION! Ahhh gaah! Too many layers.
In explosion news, CNN Money posted this article. [shows article] 10 BOOMING jobs and how to GET them.
By "get," they may not have meant shoot a missile at. They may have meant acquire. The English language can be tricky.
[Clone enters frame, holding the broom:] Hey, I have this itch on my back. Can you get it?
Certainly. [A missile hits the clone, who explodes.] What? It solved the problem either way.
The New York Times published this article [shows article] Short attention spans for web videos. [snores/naps. Wakes up.] Hmm? Pffft. That's ridiculous. I don't have to rely on tricks to... [the number three appears in the corner of the screen. Craig looks at it.] Three... [The number 2 appears] Two... [The number 1 appears] One... EXPLOSION! ... to keep your attention past one minute.
So yesterday I threw up a piece of paper. No I didn't vomit a piece of paper. I threw a piece of paper up at the eagle so he could sign it so I could have permission to use his image on my Wheezy shoe. Then the eagle threw it back and much to my chagrin, he signed it with wingdings [holds up paper again]. But many of you in the comments took it upon yourselves to translate those wingdings and you discovered his real name. That's right. The eagle's name is Pwoitgslfsk. [Text on screen: pwoitgslfsk] And the eagle likes his privacy. [eagle squawks] He's not too happy about it. But I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done! [Pens fall into the apartment and explode] And the eagle has my exploding pens! I hate it when the eagle has my exploding pens! [Explosions continue behind him as more pens fall.] This is gonna be tricky. I better hurry and get the coffee. [Gets up and runs to the kitchen. Explosions continue.]
Alright beardlovers, which side of the table do I go around to get the coffee? [Two clickable annotations appear on screen: Go left! and Go right!] Hurry! Hurry and decide! This way or that way. Hurry or he's gonna get me eventually. Hurry! Hurry! [Craig is hit by an exploding pen and explodes.] AAAA!
[Eagle flies by overhead. Flies by again.]
[Clickable annotation on screen: Click here to try again]