[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Whoa! Strong case of deja vu. Why is that?
[Ripple effect] [Text on screen: 11 seconds ago] [black and white] [slides in/singing rug] Hey beardlovers. Whoa. That one sucked. I didn't like the inflection. Let's take it again. In 3... 2... 1...
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Welcome to Friday. [Text on screen: W. T. F.] Or as Craig with a Wig would say...
[Craig with a Wig:] It's Friday! Life sucks.
[Theme song:] He's Craigity...
[Craig with a Wig:] I'm not done yet! Another day closer to death. Which also sucks.
[Theme song:] He's Craigity Craig Craig with a Wig [Craig with a Wig smiles] [toy piano key]
So I'm feeling an April Fools hangover. Told a lot of lies yesterday. [phone rings] One second. [answers phone] Hey Dad. Hehe. No. No I wasn't arrested for money laundering. It was a prank. The operation is still very much intact. Yeah. I did have to kill a man, though. Haha! I gotcha! No, it was a woman. Hehe. Yeah. Take care. [hangs up phone, looks at camera] What? I'm money laundering to raise money for a good cause. It's... um... starving orphans... Finland. They... uh... also have... dropsy... and they're child laborers? And... they... umm.... that's good enough.
So this other prank that I told... [phone rings] Who's calling? [looks at phone] President Obama? [answers phone] Hello Mister President. Haha. No, that was a prank. No I wasn't gonna bomb the US Embassy in France. That's ridiculous. I don't even know what France is. Is that some kind of dressing? Am I telling the truth? Oui oui. I mean, yes. Okay. Talk to you later. [hangs up] Honh honh... Les presidente Oba... I mean, President Obama called. Wow! That's cool. What's France?
So yesterday I had this bowl of chili. [A clone enters behind Craig. The clone is wearing the clothes Craig was wearing yesterday.]
[Craig:] What do you want, stupid clone?
[Clone:] That was not cool, man.
[Craig:] What'd I do?
[Clone:] You know what you did.
[Ripple effect.] [Title on screen: yesterday] [Black and white] [Craig is on the phone:] Yeah. You better send someone over right away. There's a crazy guy. He broke into my house. He's acting like a dinosaur. Hurry! [walks offscreen to the cloning machine. Light flashes are visible. Craig walks back onscreen with a clone following him.]
[Clone:] Wow! I'm alive!
[Craig:] Yeah, whatever. Play with that dinosaur! I'll be right back. [Craig leaves.]
[The clone picks up dinosaur toy off the top of the bookshelf:] Rawwwr! You Tyrannosaurus. I'll be Brachiosaurus. [mimes and moves like he's a dinosaur, making sounds of the dinosaur's steps]
[Knock on door]
[Clone:] Who's there? I'll answer the door. [Walks like a dinosaur towards the door]
[Ripple effect back to present]
[Craig laughs:] Hehe. That was pretty good.
[Clone:] That was not good! I had to sit next to some guy all night who thought he was Lady Gaga. Turns out it was Lady Gaga.
[Craig:] You got to meet Lady Gaga!
[Clone:] I am not part of Lady Gaga's fanbase. [pulls out a gun and points it at Craig. Shoots him. Craig falls out of the chair.] That's right. Hehe. [Clone sits down] That guy was a jerk. New Craig in town. I'm gonna be a lot nicer. I'm also gonna put on those clothes. Oh *shirt* it's Free Bagel Friday.
[Craig's boss walks up to the bagels. Craig walks up.]
[Craig:] I'm gonna punch you for that bagel!
[Craig's boss:] Again? Really?
[Craig:] Actually, I'm a changed man. Literally.
[Craig's boss:] Uh huh?
[Craig:] Not gonna punch you. April fools.
[Craig's boss:] Ahh.
[Craig turns to go.]
[Craig's boss:] Wait. It's April 2nd.
[Craig:] Oh yeah, you're right! [punches his boss, who spins and falls. Craig grabs bagel and stands over his boss on the floor.] I appreciate your honesty. [He walks away.]
[Craig's boss:] I appreciate your consistency.
[A viewer sips from a mug, sighs contentedly, and smiles. Another viewer appears in a box on screen:] He loves it when the coffee's done. [The first viewer moves quickly around the room. The two sit side by side and wink (ding). The second viewer asks something I don't understand. The first viewer falls out of his chair. The second viewer says:] Yep.
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[outtakes] President Obama? [answers phone] Hello Mister President. [hangs up and turns towards window] Truck. [turns back to camera] Truck.
singing rug, beardlovers, Craig with a Wig, clone, *shirt*, Free Bagel Friday, wink, outtakes
April Fools Hangover on YouTube