|Original Upload date||May 26, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||—|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Today's Thursday May 26th. So today I wanted to... zoink!!
[A box on screen labeled "Last week" plays an excerpt from another video:] I have very good reason to believe that next Thursday is the day the world ends. May 26th. You better hope you're one of the chosen few. [The box disappears]
The world's gonna end! I hope the world does end so I'm not wrong. And I hope the world doesn't end so I'm not dead. Can't lose. Can't win. Can drink. [Takes top of bottle of beer and takes a sip] Mmm. Aaah. [The beer foams over out of the bottle.] Not very well, apparently.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Drinking beer] Mmm. Don't you judge me. You don't know what it's like every day. Right up until the end. The LOLs. I just do it for the LOLs. What was the point? [puts bottle up to his lip, sits like that for a moment] I'm still sober.
I thought maybe a dramatic outburst would help me get my drunk on but nope. Guess I gotta go through all these extra calories. [goes to take another sip]
Watching my figure. Just wanted to look good for the end times. What? You think it's weird for me to care about my looks on the day that we die, naysayer? Why you such a naysayer? I wish naysaying was wiped off the entire planet. Oh... oh wait... It will be. Ha! Hahaha! Hahahaha! [As his laughter turns to sobs, words fly out of his mouth: gah hhuh uh] I'm gonna miss naysaying. Chips and salsa. And dryer sheets. And Steven Seagal. And those birds that look like ostriches but aren't ostriches. Also, ostriches. [A clone sweeps the floor in the kitchen] Accidentally leaving the alligator pit door open when clones are sweeping the kitchen.
[The clone falls into the alligator pit:] Aaaaaaa! [We can hear the alligator munching]
[Craig chuckles softly] Or doing it on purpose for fun.
I'm even gonna miss the eagle. [He looks up. The eagle is in the sky. The eagle squawks. As he flies away, a meteoroid is visible behind him.]
There's a giant meteor! So that's how it happens. That's a bit cliche. I'm gonna miss cliches.
I didn't even have enough time to test out Explosion Wednesday. Or test out my massive meteor-repelling laser.
Wait, I'm not gonna miss any of these things depending on what you believe happens after you die. I'm gonna be dead! [banjo face]
When you think about it, the world was gonna end for all of us anyway unless you can live forever, which I'm working on. [Dramatic zoom] Or was. The only difference before is that we didn't know exactly when it was gonna end. Just cause we know now doesn't mean we have to get all huffy about it.
[In a huffy voice:] Oh, the world's ending. Harumph harumph!
That's why I'm worrying about my calorie intake and my figure, because all that matters is looking good NOW.
Beauty's in the eye of the beholder. And everyone's a beholder. And everyone's watching. Like this. [Makes a funny face with wide eyes and a pursed mouth] [As he says this, the words appear on screen beside him: Beauty's in the eye of the beholder, and everyone's a beholder, and everyone's watching like this: O.O - Craig Benzine]
I'm just using beauty as an example. What's something you always wanted to do before you die? Well, it's too late now cause the meteor is coming. Way to go! Shoulda done it.
Have you learned your lesson? Have you? If yes, don't stop me from hitting myself in the face. [slaps himself in the face] You did!
This meteor better get here soon. That... my glasses jammed right into my nose.
And I'm glad you've finally come around. Too bad the world's gonna end and there's nothing you can do about it. Too bad I wasn't even able to finish this video and you didn't learn to come around. Too bad there's no possible way to stop the end of the world whatsoever. [A clickable annotation appears on screen: Click here to stop the end of the world whatsoever]
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go strap on a beer helmet and swim with the whale in the whale tank singing the song that doesn't end until it ends. Finally. [Gets out of his chair. Sound of him jumping into the whale tank. Whale sounds. Sings:] The song that doesn't end. It goes on and on, my friend. [The meteoroid hits the camera. Sounds of explosions over the closing titles.]
[Title on black screen: Congratulations!]
[Title on screen: Since you did not click to save the world I was right and the world ended!]
[Title on screen: Even though you couldn't possibly be reading this, click below to try again.]
[Music plays as another title comes up: In Loving Memory. A picture of the Earth appears below this title, and below the picture of the Earth, a title reads: ???? BC - 2011 AD]
[A clickable annotation "Try Again" appears below these titles]
If you click the annotation to stop the end of the world, you are directed to a video entitled Apocalypse No.
Craig's prediction about the end of the world comes from the video entitled The End of the World.
Apocalypse Yes on YouTube