|Original Upload date||January 12, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||m1ssychr1ssy09|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Let's chat over an Eggo waffle. [Holds up a plate with an Eggo waffle. Starts eating.] So yesterday you got to see the dirty behind-the-scenes look because of my new crew, which have all been fired. I decided to let the jerk clone run the show figuring the crew would keep him in line. As the old saying goes, [as he says this, the words appear (and are revised) on the screen beside him] if you want something done right you gotta pay... pay... actually pay people what you said you'd pay them. I mean, do it yourself.
Just wanted to let you know that's not how I am. That was jerk clone. Definitely the jerk clone. Absolutely jerk clone. Wasn't me. Nope. Nuh uh. Nope. Totally totally not me. Nope. I'm overselling this, undermining my credibility. Tell you what. Look closely into my eyes. Would these eyes lie to you? Come on. Really look... EXPLOSION. Hahaha. Oh dear, that's not helping our trust issues, is it?
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So guess what day it is? [Craig's leg pops into frame beside him, foot up.] Oh that's right, I'm still wearing pajama pants. That's unprofessional. [Tickles his own foot] Tickle tickle. [giggles] Tickle. [giggles] Oh stop it! [tickles] Stop it!
Super apologies. I'm gonna go take a shower and change into something decent. I'll be back in exactly [moves his jaw up and down as a voiceover says:] one minute 32 seconds. [Gets up and leaves]
[Quiet Clone slides in/singing rug]
[Quiet Clone:] Hey beardlovers. It's me, Quiet Clone. Guess what? [whispering:] It's Wednesday Wednesday Explosion Wednesday. I think maybe, I'm not so sure if it should be a thing or not. But I made a theme song. [singing:] "Call its name, call its name, explosion, it's Wednesday, it's Wednesday, explosion, explo... explosion, explo... explo... explosion." I made the melody myself.
In explosion news, [reads article:] THUNDERSTORMS proven to create antimatter, NASA finds. Whoa! Wait a second. [looks at the photo with article upon which a picture of Elmo dissolves.] Elmo's made of antimatter. Sesame Street conspiracy. Sespiracy? Conspesame Street?
[another article:] Baby BOOMERS could force economic catastrophe. Baby BOOMERS turn 65 this year - the front edge of a tidal wave of baby BOOMER retirements. Welp, here you go, old people. [takes money out of his wallet, throws it behind him]
Oh this is stressful. [moaning with stress, Quiet Clone starts popping bubble wrap. Then biting it as bubbles continue popping.] All better.
In other news, Google LAUNCHES first-ever global online science fair. Ohhhh, I'm gonna enter I'm gonna enter I'm gonna enter. I'm gonna enter I'm gonna enter I'm gonna enter I'm gonna enter. I'm gonna enter. I'm gonna enter. Oooohhhhhh. [Earthquake. Things fall off the bookshelf] Well, I love science. [reading from article:] "It's open to full-time students ages 13 to 18." That is not the age range I fall into and I am a no-time student. I was gonna enter my everlasting sandwich. Yeah, I invented the everlasting sandwich [holds up a sandwich]. See? Check it out. [Takes big bite of sandwich. Holds up sandwich. It's still complete. Quiet Clone smiles. His smile dings as it glints. He takes another bite. Holds up sandwich. It's still complete. He smiles. His smile dings as it glints. Craig walks through doorway.]
[Craig:] Clone? What are you doing in front of the camera? EXPLOSION! [Quiet Clone's everlasting sandwich is destroyed.]
[Quiet Clone:] Oh, my everlasting sandwich!
[Craig:] I can't hear a word you're saying.
[Quiet Clone begins crying, emitting a high-pitched squeal.]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro graphic can be seen as a winker sings outro theme and plays it on her ukulele. Winks (ding)]
[outtakes: Quiet Clone taking huge bites of sandwich. Quiet Clone gnawing on bubble wrap. Craig with an Eggo waffle on his forehead. It slides off his forehead and onto his plate] There was Eggo on my face.
Sespiracy, Conspesame Street = Sesame street conspiracy
Antimatter Elmo on YouTube