|Original Upload date
November 22, 2010|
Wheezy beard intro|
video game outro|
|Wink submitted by
Canada (more specifically, people at Toronto gathering)|
Crowd from Toronto gathering|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. I'm finally back from Canada. And, you know, being around all those nice people made me realize I don't need to send my clones to the alligator pit anymore. I'm gonna find a nicer, more humane solution.
[A clone enters in the background, holding the broom:] Really? That's great!
[Crowd of people:] Get to the alligator pit!
[Craig:] Canadians, you want me to send him to the alligator pit?
[Clone:] Yeah, I didn't even finish my chores.
[Crowd:] Finish your chores. Get to the alligator pit.
[Craig:] Alright. You heard 'em.
[Clone:] Canada sucks.
[Craig:] Oh, just because they want you dead doesn't mean they suck.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So in the news today, [shows article] Exploring the anti-social side of social media. Christin Norine is spending 30 days "isolated" from society but in full public display inside a glass storefront in Portland, Oregon. She communicates only through social media and the internet.
She seems to be making some sort of statement about how social media can connect us all over the world but yet it isolates us.
I don't find this to be true at all. I'm so lonely, help me. Did I... What did I say at the end there?
Social media makes me feel like I'm surrounded by people all the time. [Shot from behind Craig where we can see he's talking to a white wall and a lamp.] And it's much more convenient. [Turns to look at the camera behind him.]
Sometimes when I'm done with a video, I like to unwind by going out with friends to a bar. Partay!
[Leans towards his compute,r which has pictures from the cast of Friends on his monitor.] Hey friends, how's it going?
[Audio of Joey from Friends:] Hey, how you doin'?
I'm doing good, Joey. Thanks for asking.
[Audio of Chandler:] Get out of my chair, dilhole!
I'm sorry Chandler. It's just really crowded in the bar tonight. See? [VIdeo of a bar plays on Craig's monitor] Oh man. You know what? I'm just gonna go get a beer. Alright? [Brings up a picture of a mug of beer on his monitor] [Audio of someone sipping and swallowing.] Oh yeah. Delicious. Let's hear it for beer, huh? High five! [Brings up a graphic for a high five on his monitor. He high fives the screen.] Yeah!
Oh my god, wait! Who's that standing in front of that white wall over there? [brings up picture of Scarlett Johansson standing in front of white wall] Is that Scarlett Johansson? What's she doing here? I'm so TwitPic-ing this. [Takes a picture of his monitor.]
I feel like I have a healthy relationship with the internet. Hehe. Seriously, help me. Hehehe.
In other news, a big deal has been made about how annoying airport security is lately. [shows article] CNN reporter Jessica Ravitz went to six different airports to learn just how annoying passengers can be. I've been flying a lot lately, and as a passenger, I think I've behaved pretty much perfectly, and I had no problems with security either. [highlights different parts of article] Except for the time they wouldn't allow me and my family to sneak a dead man on board. And they took issue with me releasing a rat for religious purposes. And apparently, people took issue with my having sex with somebody in the corner. [sighs] This country is becoming so conservative.
In other news, when I arrived home from Canada, there was a package in front of my door. [Creepy music plays for a moment.] It's Team Beard's trophy for winning the Supernote competition. Here it is. [holds up a big cardboard box, reaches inside and feels around.] Wait. It's not here. But there's a letter. Ahh, [shows letter to camera] Dear Craig, *ding* you. Hate, Pwoitgslfsk, The Eagle. There's something else in here. [Reaches in and feels around.] That's definitely eagle poop. Argh!
[Craig, standing with a backpack on his back and a bag over his shoulder, looking up:] I'm gonna get you, eagle!!
[Shot of his monitor on which there's an animation of a very very broad-shouldered man. Deep voice:] Jump-port security check.
[Shot of his monitor on which there's an animation of a very very broad-shouldered man. Deep voice:] How many bags you got there? You're only allowed one.
[Craig:] Fine. [Takes bag off his shoulder.]
[Shot of his monitor on which there's an animation of a very very broad-shouldered man. Deep voice:] What's that in your pocket?
[Craig:] This is olive oil. Sometimes I gotta slick up my body. You know, reduce friction.
[Shot of his monitor on which there's an animation of a very very broad-shouldered man. Deep voice:] That's weird and disturbing. What's that in your other pocket?
[Craig:] Oh! This is my knife.
[Shot of his monitor on which there's an animation of a very very broad-shouldered man. Deep voice:] What's that for?
[Craig:] It's for stabbing. I mean, not stabbing.
[Shot of his monitor on which there's an animation of a very very broad-shouldered man. Deep voice:] Go not stab somewhere else. You're banned from this place for a day.
[Craig:] Fine. Guess I'll have to get the trophy tomorrow. [starts to walk away] Where am I going? I live here.
[Shot of crowd.]
[Craig:] 1... 2... 3.
[They wink (ding). Some of them say:] Ding.
[Heavy wind sound from the winks.] Powerful stuff. Wind burn. [Craig's face turns red. Really really red.]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
If you can't wait to see the Supernote trophy, you can go to my iPhone channel and watch me open the box for the first time. [points to annotation]
And if you wanna see parts of my Canadian adventure, you can watch it on Shaytards [points to annotation]. Shay Carl filmed it. Why should I have to do the work when Shay will, right? Thanks Shay.
Also, [holds up Wheezy shoe and rotates it while jazzy music plays. The shoelace hits his face.] Ahh, tickle...tickle my face.
singing rug, beardlovers, clone, alligator pit, headlines, Scarlett Johansson, Supernote, eagle, wink, Wheezy shoe
Craig unboxing the SuperNote trophy: What's in the box?
Handstand 51 - CN Tower Zerbert
Canada trip on the Shaytards channel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQyEH1SwJug
Anti-Social Media on YouTube