[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. If you're like me, you too are a bearded, asthmatic 31-year old with male pattern baldness who lives in Chicago but grew up in Wisconsin, has a paralyzing fear of squirrels, likes the smell of his own farts, and every night in bed points a space heater at his face to help warm the tears. Hehe. And that'd be great, 'cause so far I think I'm the only one.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So it's October 28th. Happy International Animation Day. [shows Wikipedia page] It's the day that celebrates Charles-Emile Reynaud's [shows Wikipedia information] [speaks in a French accent] Theatre Optique in Paree in 18-ninety-two-ah.
He used his invention, the Praxinoscope. It was the first presentation of projected moving images. It was also the first episode of Live with Regis.
Seriously, do a Google image search. Regis Philbin has NEVER BEEN YOUNG!
Three years later, the Lumiere brothers debuted their cinematograph and from then on no one gave a crap about Reynaud. Except for hipsters.
[Acts like he's smoking a cigarette. Speaks in French accent.] The cinematograph is so derivative of the praxinoscope. Honh honh honh patooey!
Sadly, the public eventually abandoned the Theatre Optique and Reynaud threw his work in the Seine River. There it was later discovered by Luc Bessonfish [picture of a fish with Luc Besson's head]. And with the help of Jean Renoirwhale [whale with Renoir's head], they made the first ever underwater animated feature, starring Audrey Tatuna [tuna with Audrey Tatou's head] and Gerard Depardogfish [dogfish with Gerard Depardieu's head]. It was a tragic biopic about the underwater conqueror Napoleon Bonaperch [Napoleon's head on a perch]. Later it was made famous for birds with a remake by David Fincher [David Finch's head on a finch].
Anyway, eventually Reynaud died penniless. [Sad face/sad music] But wait, the French don't use pennies. [banjo face] But he also died francless. [sad face/sad music] But wait, he was dead anyway! [Banjo face] But wait, no one knows what happens when you die. [As Craig is confused, his expression changes a lot.] [Sad face/sad music] [Banjo face] [Sad face/sad music] [Banjo face] [Sad face/sad music] [Banjo face]
So in honor of Reynaud, the rest of this video is gonna be hand drawn. See? [An effect happens which makes the image appear drawn.] I drew all of this. Boy, are my hands sore. Hmm hmm hmm hmm. [Goes back to normal] Okay, that was an effect. Can't fool you. Fine. Here's some animation. [Holds up a sock puppet]
[Closeup of the sock puppet talking:] Hi there. Happy International Animation Day. I hope it's a sock...cess! HAHAHAHAHA!
Hang on. Is puppetry animation? Probably not. Sidenote! [Turns his head to side and a musical note appears on the side of his face] I feel bad for deaf lipreaders who watch puppets. For them, it's probably like this.
[closeup of sock puppet talking:] Umm umm. Umm umm umm umm uuuuumm. Umm umm umm ummm. Umm umm umm muuum. Muuuum. Muuuuuuuuuuuh.
Okay, I'm not good at drawing. But how about some stop motion? We'll use Craig with a Wig.
[Craig with a Wig:] Stop motion. Starting now. [Craig with a Wig breathes in stop motion. Doesn't move.] 'Kay, that's good.
[Craig turns his head and smiles as his theme song plays:] He's Craigity Craig. Craig with a Wig. [Craig with a Wig smiles] [toy piano key]
Hmm. Perhaps he wasn't the best subject matter for stop motion.
[Closeup of dinosaur toy on top of bookshelf. He moves in stop motion as we hear him talk:] Hey, I can do it.
[Craig:] No you can't! You can't even act.
[Dinosaur toy:] Well, I can do the Charleston. [Music plays as the dinosaur dances forwards and backwards in stop motion.]
[Craig:] Too stiff. Movin' on.
Fine! I'll draw some animation. And done. [Holds up smiley face that he drew.] There we go. Check it out. [It's a drawing of a smiley face. He moves the paper around.] Oooh, look at that animation. Whoa, it's moving around. So realistic. Whoa... Who am I kidding? I can't animate. [Craig starts crying] It's really hard. [The picture he's holding up frowns and cries as well, tears coming out of its eyes.] I can't do it. [Craig sobs. Then hears the faint sobbing that's coming from the picture, although he doesn't realize that's where it's coming from. Puts the picture down.] Who else is crying? [The faint sobs continue] There's someone in my apartment.
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
Regis Philbin has NEVER BEEN YOUNG! Regis Philbin has NEVER BEEN YOUNG! Regis Philbin has NEVER BEEN YOUNG!
Honh honh honh patooey! Honh honh honh patooey! Honh honh honh patooey! Honh honh honh patooey! Honh honh honh patooey!
[Craig adjusts the dinosaur toy on top of the bookshelf. As his hand retreats, he knocks the camera, which changes position.] [Bleep sound effect]
singing rug, beardlovers, Wikipedia, sad face, banjo face, side note, Craig with a Wig, toy dinosaur doing the Charleston, wink, outtakes
Animation Day on YouTube