Allergies 101

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"Allergies 101"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 353
2010
Original Upload date July 20, 2010
Running time 0:04:07
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by varygoode
Great People
Guests: Ty
Handstand Info
No. of Attempts 3
Did His Wallet Fall Out? Yes
No. Without the Wall: 0
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Trust 101"
Next →
"The Middle of the F*ding* Week"

Video

Transcript

[Music as the four quadrants of the screen fly in and join together]
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. My apartment seems to be falling apart a lot these days. Last time I rebuilt it with brick. This time I rebuilt it with love.
[The upper left quadrant starts to drift away. Craig turns towards it.] What are you doing? What about my needs? [It comes back and rejoins the rest of the frame.] That's better. [Rubs it] If you truly loved me, you'd know I don't want you to leave.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So in yesterday's video I apparently caused many allergic reactions when I forced you to smell some flowers. I never thought forcing pretty pretty flowers on people would be such a problem.
You can't force people to do anything anymore! I miss the Middle Ages.
[A clone comes out of the kitchen:] All done dusting.
[Craig:] Do I have to write up an itinerary? When you're done with your chores, you get to the alligator pit and you die.
[Clone jumps into the alligator pit.]
[Craig:] Go on.
[We can hear alligator munching.]
[Craig:] Yes.
I learned from the commenters that there are a lot of people allergic to flowers. There's gotta be some sort of cure. [turns to alternate camera angle] Stop it! Stop being allergic! Hey, what's going... Stop it! [turns back to main camera angle]
Did that work? Probably. I just had to scare it out of you like hiccups. And left-handedness.
You're not born left-handed. It's a choice. And also the work of the devil. Left-handed people should not be allowed to write. It's called WRITING not lefting. And writing is a right, not a left. Writing is the right of right-handers. Am I left? I mean, am I right? What am I talking about?
Back to allergies. You know, I have a personal investment in allergies. I'm allergic to nuts. Tree nuts. Which is all nuts except peanuts. Wouldn't want to be nuts.
Now I know a lot of you young boys wanna type up a certain kind of joke, and it's gonna be really funny to you. I'll spare you the time. [clears throat] Nuts can also refer to testicles. HAHAHAHA!
[A clone enters on the left side of the frame, also laughing]
[Closeup of Craig laughing.] HAHAHAHA. Oh my god. It's too much. It's too much. I gotta go. HAHAHAHA! [Runs into kitchen. Runs down steps, still laughing. Opens door to the outside, laughing. Stands on his doorstep for a moment. Sighs. Goes back inside. Sits down, smiling.] Never heard that one before.
I did some research.
In case scaring allergies out of you didn't work, which it probably did, there's the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America. They work to improve the quality of life for people with asthma and allergies. Otherwise known as me. And maybe you.
But I don't know you. I know me. And I like me. And I wanna improve the quality of my life. So I think I'll donate to them. Here's their website [points to text on screen: aafa.org] in case you wanna help me out as well.
I know someone who has a list of every single nonprofit in the world and he donates one penny to each one every year, and that's my temporary roommate, Ty the Regular Guy. Hey, let's see how he's doing.
[Opening credits. Music plays as Ty, wearing a blonde wig and black moustache and carrying an automatic rifle, enters Craig's apartment. As he says the following line, the words appear on the screen as the opening titles:] Hi. I'm Ty. [Pulls off wig and moustache] I'm just a regular guy. [Notices he still has the rifle raised. Lowers it.]
[Title on screen: Visitor Part 1]
[Ty sits at the kitchen table, sipping from a mug, with a notebook and pen in front of him. He looks into the mug.]
{Ty:] The coffee is complete. [Turns to another camera angle] I appreciate that.
[He picks up pen in front of him. There's a knock at the door. Ty writes in his notebook.]
[Craig, from offscreen:] Was that a knock?
[Ty:] Yeah.
[Craig, from offscreen:] What?!
[Ty:] Yep.
[Craig, from offscreen:] Could you answer it?
[Ty:] May I?
[Craig, from offscreen:] May you answer it?
[Ty:] I'm not the owner of the building. Nor the renter of the apartment.
[Craig, from offscreen:] I'm taking a crap.
[Ty:] Didn't you take a number two 12 hours ago? What have you been eating?
[Craig, from offscreen:] I have an upset stomach.
[Ty:] Based on your eating habits, I'm not surprised.
[Craig, from offscreen:] You're so normal! [Craig comes out of the bathroom, pulls up his pants:] I had to cut it short.
[Ty watches as Craig walks towards the door. Ty slightly raises a gun.]
[Craig opens the door.]
[End credits. Music plays as Ty says to the camera (and words appear on the screen as end titles):] I'm just a regular guy.
Now let's see how my handstand is doing. I might try to go away from the wall a little bit more. [attempts a handstand] Terrible. [Does a handstand. His wallet falls out.] Nope. [Handstand over. He does another one.]
I need to work on that upper-body strength. I think my muscles completely shut down. Let's see. I'm gonna lift my wallet. [Lifts his wallet] Nope. [It falls.] I'm gonna lift my hand. [Lifts up his hand.] Nope. [His hand and arm fall.] Is there a non-profit for namby-pambies like myself?
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
So in yesterday's video I unwittingly ... wittingly... wittingly... [makes funny noises] So in yesterday's video I unwittingly sh... So in yesterday's video, I unwittingly caused many allergic reash... sherns... Blop! Plop. Can't talk today. Can't talk today. Talk talk talk.

Recurring elements

101 videos, singing rug, beardlovers, clone, alligator pit, alternate camera angle, Ty the Regular Guy, handstand, wallet falls out, wink, outtakes

External links

Allergies 101 on YouTube
Ty the Regular Guy on Facebook