[Craig sits quietly, staring at the screen for three seconds before shouting:] Hey beardlovers! Haha. You thought the video wasn't working. I totally got you.
Or maybe not. Whatever. You still had fun.
Fun is awesome!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
SrPanc writes [shows comment] Punch things in the darkness!!
Psh. What? Darkness? [A black box zips onto the screen] Oh, that darkness. [Punches the black box. The eagle flies overhead but flies in the other direction before the black box travels upward.]
I almost blotted out that pesky eagle. Oh! Darkness is going in front of the sun. Aaaand... [Black box lands on the nightstand] ... landed on my nightstand. I'm going to knock that darkness' lights out! Or... it doesn't have light, but you know, it's just an expression!
[Craig, standing by the nightstand, punches the black box, but reacts in pain as his hand penetrates it] Aaaaaa! [He raises his hand and there's a knife sticking out of it.] Aaaaaaa!!! [Shows us the knife is between his fingers] Just kidding. I did that to teach you a lesson. That's why you don't punch things in the dark. Paid for by M.I.L.F. Mothers Into Lit Fighting. [Pictures of a woman and a lightbulb]
xwiwi writes [shows comment] You really scare me. [Craig puts on oversized round sunglasses in order to mimic the emoticon in the comment O_O ]
Really? I don't see why you should be SCARED! Sorry, I think I'm coming down with something. I get a little moody when I'm sick. It makes me TALK crazy someTIMES!
thetiger756 writes [shows comment] Your upper-beard (mustache) looks like frown... This saddens me.
It doesn't bother me.
[Extreme closeup of his mustache. Speaks in a sad voice.] But it bothers my mustache. [His mustache mimics the emoticon in the comment :( as sad music plays.]
[Craig gets up and turns his head upside down so his mustache looks like it's smiling as banjo music plays. It's a banjo face by his mustache. Cuts to a shot of Craig with a yellow smiley face superimposed over his lower face. Sits down.]
Yes, this is how I spend my time, Aunt Judy!
Not that I know if you were judging me about that.
Yes I do!
Maybe you were.
Maybe I don't know.
Maybe I do know.
What were we talking about?
Let's talk about the news.
[shows article] Pope's astronomer would baptize aliens. "Any entity, no matter how many tentacles it has, has a soul," he told the British newspaper.
Really? I thought the church had a problem with baptizing anything except humans. That means I can baptize ... ummm.... [whale sounds] my whale, [alligator growl] my alligator, [eagle squawks. Craig looks up. The eagle flies overhead.] Not you, eagle! You get a different kind of water! Hit him with your blowhole spear, whale! [Water shoots up from whale tank into the sky. It hits the eagle, who flies off.] Nice! [to whale tank] Pound it! Oh, that's right. You have fins. Never mind. I got it covered. [pounds giant fist that's mounted on the wall] Yeah!
[Viewer-submitted outro theme and wink]
Another reminder about the Ty the Regular Guy shirt. They're on sale for a limited time. You can't buy them after Friday. Don't let... [turns towards window] trucks keep driving past your house while you're trying to do a video blog. Grrr! Don't let this happen to you.
[Craig and a clone sit side by side. The Ty the Regular Guy t-shirt is superimposed over the Craig.]
[Clone:] Hey, that's a pretty nice superimposed picture over your body.
[Craig:] Pretend it's a real shirt. This is a reenactment.
[Clone:] I... I... I mean that's a nice... shirt.
[Craig:] Thanks. I bought it on the internet. It's mine.
[Clone:] Where can I get one?
[Craig:] You can't get one. They were a limited time. You missed your opportunity.
[Clone starts crying. Sad music plays as he sobs.]
[Craig, wearing the t-shirt smiles as the clone sobs. Banjo face]
[The eagle flies down into the whale tank.]
[Whale sounds and punching sounds and eagle squawks come from the whale tank.]
[Clone:] Epic eagle versus whale battle!
beardlovers, comments, eagle, emoticon expression, banjo face, Aunt Judy, headlines, whale tank, alligator pit, wink, merchandise, clone
All Aliens go to Heaven on YouTube