[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Craig is doing bicep curls with a weight]
Oh hey! You caught me in the middle of my workout. [counting last few curls:] Titanium, vanadium, chronium. [puts weight down]
Trying to get through the periodic table of elements. I can never get past nickel.
So hey beardlovers. Just so you know, you don't have to love beards to watch my videos, but you do have to love beards to have good taste.
So a few weeks ago, I may have just briefly suggested that my band was going to play a live internet show and a bunch of people came to watch and it fell through and I felt bad about it and then I asked everyone to come up with some punishments for me. And there were a lot of great punishments in the comments. I'm not shaving off my beard. I said I'd round up my favorite ones and we'd vote on them but I have an obvious favorite.
[shows comment] jimbobjun writes, "For a punishment I think you should try and make a domino rally with cds, dvds and books, and other rectangular objects that would work." Awesome suggestion, jimbobjun. I took a look at your channel. You do a lot of domino rallies. Who punished you? What did you do?
That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna round up all the rectangular objects that I own and they're gonna fall over. But I'm gonna start with something big to make sure they go down. So I'm gonna start with my refrigerator. Well, here we go. I'm not doing it now. I'm way too busy. But mark my words, I will do it at a later date. Minus the refrigerator. Plus the kitchen table. Minus the kitchen table.
Speaking of busy, I've got a whole lot of that going on right now.
Pardon me, I think I have a little busy in my beard.
Through the Ford Fiesta Movement, I'm going to O'Hare Airport tomorrow really early in the morning to pick up a band called All Time Low that all the kids are in a tizzy about these days. Fangirls, settle down. So do they play gospel? Because that's pretty much all I'm into. Or Insane Clown Posse. Whatever. I'm sure they're fine. As long as they're not from Lutherville-Timonium, Maryland. Dated a girl there once. Bad memories. Bad memories. Wait a second! That's where they're from. [audience laughter] [bows and waves to audience] [audience starts applauding]
So I get to wake up at 6 in the morning tomorrow to pick them up. How do I properly express how that's gonna make me feel?
[Craig and a clone sit side by side]
[Craig:] What are you doing?
[Clone:] Oh I'm here with the Homer Simpson visual aid. This is how you're gonna feel when you wake up tomorrow.
[Craig:] Oh no, that's okay. I don't need to...
[Clone throws the Homer Simpson doll at Craig's head]
[Craig:] Owww! Ow! So it's gonna feel like a sharp pain to the side of the face?
And then after that whole happiness explosion tomorrow, I'm gonna drive on out to New York and visit for the rest of the week.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go listen to some old LPs of a recently diseased famous person. You know who I'm talking about. [Craig spins and does a crotch grab and a Michael jackson hoo woo hoo] Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara. I prefer the audiotapes with Lyndon Johnson but to each his own.
It's kinda warm in here. Melissa, send us out with a wink from a few months ago.
[Winker in snow:] Wheezy Waiter? Welcome to Canada. [winks (ding)]
[Craig:] No, that... that was way too cold.
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro graphic]
[outtakes:] This is how you're gonna feel when you wake up tomorrow [Craig throws Homer Simpson doll at a couple of amps stacked on top of each other. Smiles, nods.] Okay.
beardlovers, Driftless Pony Club (DPC), comments, Ford Fiesta Movement, laugh track, clone, wink, outtakes
Craig asked for punishments in this video: Apology
He completed this punishment in this video: Dominooooooooos
6am on YouTube