[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Today is my 400th video upload. [Audience applause] Congratulations!!! To me. I just want you to know, though, I couldn't have done this without you. Or me. Without me, I wouldn't even exist. [Pats himself on the back] Patting myself on the back, that's not enough. Come here, you! [Hugs himself] Ooh, a little tight! A little tight! Stop doing that with your fingers. It tickles.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Still hugging himself. Lets go.]
[turns to alternate camera angle] Did you know that the Athenian coup of 411 BC led to the formation of the oligarchic government known as the 400? Yeah. I got to say oligarchic in a sentence. [turns to main camera angle]
To mark this special occasion, I dressed up in my fancy suit coat. But since we haven't designed the new Wheezy shoe yet, I had to wear sandals. [lifts up foot to show sandal] Aaah! With socks! [Zoom in on frightened face as Psycho music plays. Closeup of sandal with socked foot in it. Closeup of Craig's horrified face. Closeup of foot. Craig's head superimposed over foot screams:] Oh noooo! [Music stops and Craig drops his foot.] Oh, I'm projecting my emotions on to my feet again. I gotta stop that. Makes it hard to really get close to people and express myself due to the smell. One time I performed at an outdoor winter poetry slam. Frostbitten feet. Big time. Big time. Big time.
[turns to alternate camera angle] Did you know there are 400 grads in a circle? Wait, let me test that out. [Starts rotating in his chair and counting] 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 [mumbles as he continues rotating and comes to a stop.] 399? Wrong. Wait a second. [Rotates a tad more.] 400. Correctamundo. [turns to main camera angle]
So I don't wanna make a big deal about this video. When you build up the importance of things in your head, it makes it harder to get things done.
[shows xmasguy25's comment:] Make the 400th video awesome Wheezy.
[sighs] What's the big deal about numbers that are divisible by a hundred? [The number 400 appears on screen beside him.] I can't figure out what people see in this 400 number [turns to look at it] with its angular first part with little bits sticking out and those two voluptuous zeroes. Whatever.
I'm not gonna make a deal about this. I'm just gonna keep spewing random facts about the number 400.
[turns to alternate camera angle] Did you know that there was a passenger train called The 400 that would travel for 400 miles in 400 minutes between Chicago and Minneapolis? Pffft. I can get to Minneapolis and back in four seconds using my flying car. [Gets up. Sound of flying car whooshing out of frame. Sits down again.] Oh, had to stop off in the kitchen to get some coffee due to a wicked hangover. That Prince can throw a fast party. I love it when the coffee's done! [sips coffee] Mmm. [sings to himself as he turns back to main camera angle:] All seven and we'll watch them fall.
Hey, you know what? Let's give my clones a break today. [A clone enters in the background sweeping.] Hey clone, you can stop sweeping.
[Clone:] Really? This is great!
[Clone smiles and nods]
Okay! Continue sweeping!
[Clone goes back to sweeping.]
Craig with a Wig went all out today.
[Craig with a Wig, also in a suit coat, sits silently at the table.]
[Theme song:] He's Craigity Craig, Craig with a Wig. [Craig with a Wig turns his head in the other direction than usual (right not left) and smiles] [toy piano key]
[Craig slides over and looks in kitchen as Craig with a Wig smiles:] Oh my god!
He turned in the other direction. This is serious.
But still I'm not doing anything special until you do something for me.
[shows DannysStudio's comment] DannysStudio says, You get a free trampoline. Congrats.
Free trampoline. [laughs] Don't be silly. This is the end of the video. [Gets up and as boing sound boings, Craig is propelled up into the sky where the eagle is flying. Craig grabs on to the eagle. A dragon flies up. The eagle squawks and Craig throws the eagle at the dragon as he lets go. The eagle head butts the dragon and they spiral away. Craig lands in his chair.] I just threw an eagle into a dragon. I think that'll do. Hmm. [Hugs himself again.]
[Viewer:] 400! [slaps slap bracelet] Woo! [winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
Just another reminder to go check out that Facebook app where you can contribute shoe design ideas. The link I gave you yesterday actually didn't work but this link works. [points to link onscreen] It's also in the doobly-doo. Some of you were having trouble getting the app to work. Apparently it works best on Firefox.
Now seriously I want to thank all of you for sticking around for my 400 videos. It's time for you to get a hug. [Hugs camera] Come here, come here. Oh! Stop doing that with your finger. It tickles.
[turns to alternate camera angle] Did you know that the Athenian coup of 411 BC led to the formation of the oligarchic government known as the 411? 400.
[turns to main camera angle] So I don't wanna make a big deal about this video. When you big up... Big up? When you big up, you gotta big up, boy. I don't even know what I'm saying now.
singing rug, beardlovers, alternate camera angle, Wheezy shoe, comments, "I love it when the coffee's done!", clone, Craig with a Wig, eagle, wink, doobly-doo, outtakes
400 on YouTube